Catch a Falling Star
by refallen
Summary: Before his adventures in HalfBlood Prince begins, Harry Potter is still mourning over the loss of his godfather, Sirius Black. This is a oneshot of what went through Harry's mind as he tries to come to terms with Sirius' death.


Author's Note and Disclaimer: This story is a one-shot about Sirius Black. I love Sirius Black, and that's saying a lot, since he's a fictional character.

So this fic is dedicated to a fictional character, Sirius Black. It's probably not the greatest fic. It's probably not even grammatically correct. I don't care. I just had to write it…

I got the idea to write this after reading Half-Blood Prince.

The idea of Harry Potter and Sirius Black belongs to JK Rowling. She also owns all the direct quotes from the Harry Potter books in this story, which are those that are in **_bold and italics_**. Credit to her.

_The_ _words in only italics are Harry's thoughts._

Thank you, Refallen.

* * *

* * *

* * *

Catch a Falling Star

8:15 PM.

_Sirius Black is gone. My godfather is gone. He's…He's…He's dead._

Harry lay on his bed, thinking about it. He wanted to deny it over and over again. But it wouldn't work. He knew that it wouldn't work. Sirius was gone.

_**"There's nothing you can do, Harry ... nothing ... He's gone."**_

The tears that could've been spilled over this never came. Harry was too far gone in sorrow to cry about it.

Sirius, the Dog Star. It made perfect sense that his Animagus form was a giant dog. Then again, with Sirius, a lot of things had made sense.

Sirius, who fell through the veil. It still ran through Harry's mind like a horror movie in slow motion. It still haunted him when he tried to sleep. The way that small jet of red light had ended Sirius's life. How quickly – how slowly – how unexpected.

_**The second jet of light hit him squarely on the chest.**_

__

The laughter had not quite died from his face, but his eyes widened in shock.

****

It seemed to take Sirius an age to fall. His body curved in a graceful arc as he sank backward through the ragged veil hanging from the arch...

****

And Harry saw the look of mingled fear and surprise on his godfather's wasted, once-handsome face as he fell through the ancient doorway and disappeared behind the veil, which fluttered for a moment as though a high wind and then fell back into place…

_Catch a falling star._ _I wish I could have caught a falling star._

The only thing that countered Harry's grief was his hatred for Bellatrix Lestrange. And Voldemort. Harry thought furiously_, they would pay for it one day. They would pay dearly._

How could someone so wonderful just come briefly into Harry's life? His godfather had once been the only hope for Harry, especially when he had to endure the abuse of the Dursleys. There was even a time when Harry thought that he may live with Sirius.

_**"Are you insane?" said Harry, his voice easily as croaky as Black's. "Of course I want to leave the Dursleys! Have you got a house? When can I move in?"**_

But all chances of ever being with Sirius were gone now.

* * *

8:47 PM 

How similar he had been to Sirius, Harry reflected. Sirius grew up in a family who thought he wasn't good enough. His parents seemed to hate him.

Similarly, Harry could never be good enough to Dursley's, even if he was the most boring, non-magical boy in the whole world. Both Harry and Sirius had hated their lives at home, where they felt unwelcome and unwanted. For both of them, Hogwarts was a sort of refuge. A refuge from the hateful clutches of their guardians.

"**_He was younger than me," said Sirius, "and a much better son, as I was constantly reminded."

* * *

_**

9:13 PM.

Sirius had gone through hell for Harry and his parents. He was loyal to them all of his life.

_**"Believe me. I never betrayed James and Lily. I would have died before I betrayed them."**_

Ironically, he ended up dying for their only son.

Guilt coursed through Harry's body. If only he had learned Occlumency. If only he had ignored that dream of Sirius being tortured.

If he had never gone to the Department of Mysteries, would Sirius still be alive today? Or would Fate have stepped in anyway, and taken his him from the world. Maybe it had beenSirius' inevitable time to go.

Harry tried to think about a bright side in Sirius' death. There was none. Or maybe…the fact that Sirius really wasn't tortured was the bright side. The fact that his death was virtually painless, and thatVoldemort really hadn't hurt like Harry hadseenin his dream.Maybe falling through the veil was the easiest way to die. Better than Avada Kedvra, even.

_But I didn't want him to die!_

* * *

9:18 PM. 

There were so many unanswered questions running through Harry's mind.

What would Peter Pettigrew make of the news? Harry felt red hot hate anger fill his heart. Wormtail, the traitor. The greedy, power hungry man who caused his parents' death. Wormtail, the man who betrayed Sirius Black and left him to spend 12 miserable years in Azkaban. Knowing how weak of a man Wormtail was, Harry figured that he was relieved that his old friend was now dead. _Traitor_. _Filth. Murderer_.

_**"You should have died! Died rather than betray your friends, as we would have done for you!"**_

* * *

9:57 PM. 

Harry then thought of Sirius as a young man. Sirius, who was the devilishly handsome one. Harry smiled inwardly. Remembering what he had seen in the Pensieve the previous year, Harry couldn't help but wonder how many girlfriends Sirius Black had actually had over the years.

If he hadn't been wasting away in Azkaban for a crime that he never committed, would Sirius have been settled down by now? Would he have some gorgeous wife? Would he have had kids by now?

_No way_. _He would've still been handsome andpopular, but he would probably be most-wanted bachelor in the wizarding world!_ Harry actually laughed at the thought. That was definitely the Sirius Black that he remembered. _He would be zooming across the world in his flying motorbike, if it hadn't been for Lord Voldemort and his followers_. Harry thought wistfully of all the adventures Sirius could have taken him on.

There were so many things he had wanted to ask Sirius, but he had never come around to asking them. Now it was too late. Sure, there was still Remus. But it was bittersweet to think of it that way, because it would have been so much more fun if both Sirius and Remus told Harry of their Marauding days.

_**"No one would have made me a prefect, I spent too much time in detention with James. Lupin was the good boy, he got the badge."  
**_

_**"I think Dumbledore might have hoped I would be able to exercise some control over my best friends," said Lupin. "I need scarcely say that I failed dismally."**_

And an unreal realization came to Harry: What if his dad could have told him the tales too? _That would have been amazing._

Harry just imagined it: There he was, sitting at a comfortable kitchen table beside Sirius, James, and Remus. They were telling him tales of how they used to sneak into Hogsmeade every week to bring jokes and sweets back to Hogwarts. Or explain how they became illegal Animagi.

In this lovely, too-good-to-be-true picture, his mum was there too. And even at 16, Harry would've given anything to have her hug him that way that only a mother could do. Mrs. Weasley had come to close to this. But Harry knew, deep inside, that nothing would compare to the warmth of being in Lily Potter's embrace again. He could barely remember this feeling, but it was still there.

But why was Harry Potter torturing himself like this?

Why was he thinking about a happy family that would never be?

* * *

10:01 PM. 

Knock. Knock. Knock. Uncle Dursley was banging on Harry's bedroom door. "Open up, boy. Here's your ruddy dinner!"

Harry didn't move. He didn't respond.

"Boy! You better open your door now and eat this!" The banging grew louder. Harry ignored it.

"OPEN THIS DOOR IMMEDIATELY!"

Harry barely noticed when the door was pushed open with an ear-splitting screech. There, in the doorway, stood Uncle Dursley, red faced and puffing. He was holding a plate of what seemed to be leftovers of dinner.

"I should give you a good walloping for this, boy!" Vernon growled.

Harry just stared at his ceiling.

Completely nonplussed, Uncle Dursley walked over and dropped the plate onto Harry's bed. "You'd better eat it!" Then, he stomped out of the room, slamming the door as hard as he could. Harry barely even noticed that there was food on his bed…

* * *

10:21 PM. 

He still hadn't eaten. He hadn't even looked at the plate of food.

The thing about his godfather's death was that Harry didn't see the point of ever trying to love someone if there was always a chance he'd lose them.

"_But then what would be the point of living_?" a small voice asked him.

_Yeah. I don't know. But I don't want to lose anyone else._ Harry thought of his best friends, Ron, Hermione. He thought of the Weasley family; they were all like his own family. Arthur, Molly, Fred, George, Ginny, Bill, and Charley.

And Harry thought of Hagrid, his friend since day one at Hogwarts. And of course, Albus Dumbledore. Harry didn't want to lose any of these people. He just wanted the pain to go away. He wanted them all to live. He wanted to see them everyday and share his life with all of them.

And although he was a pompous bighead, Harry wouldn't want to wish death upon Percy. Not even the Dursley's deserved death.

_I don't want anyone else to die._

Then, he thought of something Sirius has said once:

_**"This is how it is - this is why you're not in the Order - you don't understand - there are things worth dying for!"**_

_Like defeating Voldemort. Is the price of fighting him? Losing so many people that mattered so much to me? You all died because of him! Is that worth dying for?_

Without hesitation, Harry's heart responded _yes._

**_"What was there to be gained by fighting the most evil wizard who has ever existed? Only innocent lives, Peter."_**

_Of course!_ How could Harry have forgotten this? Grief makes the most important things in the world, he guessed, seem so trivial.

* * *

10:30 PM. 

Harry climbed out of bed and looked through his window. After taking Astronomy for five years, he had every intention of finding the dog star in the night sky.

* * *

10:36 PM. 

The frustrating thing about being a rational person like Harry Potter was that he realized that he couldn't mope about Sirius' death forever. He'd have to move on. He'd have to focus on what was important in the present time. And that was the current war against Lord Voldemort.

He remembered how proud Sirius had been of Harry when he was alive. Before the isolation of 12 Grimmauld Place had made him bitter, Sirius had told him:

**_"You are truly your father's son, Harry..."_**

* * *

10:40 PM 

Harry was avidly scanning the night sky. Where was that star? Maybe it wasn't out tonight? No. Harry had double checked his astronomy book. It was supposed to be there.

* * *

10:50 PM. 

**_"Imagine that Voldemort's powerful now. You don't know who his supporters are, you don't know who's working for him and who isn't; you know he can control people so that they do terrible things without being able stop themselves. You're scared for yourself, and your family, and your friends. Every week, news comes of more deaths, more disappearances, more torturing … The Ministry of Magic's in disarray, they don't know what to do, they're trying to keep everything hidden from the Muggles, but meanwhile, Muggles are dying too. Terror everywhere … panic … confusion … that's how it used to be." _**

"_**Well, times like that bring out the best in some people and the worst in others."**_

Harry knew that Sirius would want his best to come out at times like these.

* * *

11:07 PM 

_Where is that bloody star? _Harrywished that thecloudy night would clear soon.

* * *

11:30 PM. 

Sirius would have wanted Harry to love and care for his friends. He wouldn't want Harry to sink back into grief and live in fear that someone else that he cared about was going to die.

* * *

11:42 PM 

_There it is!_ Harry had to crane his neck all the way to the right to see the dog star. It was shining brilliantly as the clouds in the sky shifted away. He was in an uncomfortable position, but it was somehow worth it. Harry stared avidly up at the glowing star, Sirius.

* * *

11: 45 PM 

**_She (Luna) shook her head in disbelief. "Oh, come on. You heard them, just behind the veil, didn't you?"_****_  
" You mean…"  
"In that room in the archway. They were just lurking out of sight, that's all, you heard them."_**

* * *

11:47 PM

Unexpectedly, even to himself, tears trickled down Harry Potter's cheek. He knew that he was always feel that heartache of losing his beloved godfather, but he also knew that he would always love the memories he had of Sirius Black. They would never be erased. After all, Sirius was the one person that he could always rely on to care about him.

**_His eyes burned suddenly and he blinked.He felt stupid for admitting it, but the fact that he had had someone outside Hogwarts who cared what happened to him, almost like a parent, had been one of the best things about discovering his godfather...and now the post owls would never bring him that comfort again..._**

* * *

11:50 PM 

Harry had to move on. He had to be prepared for the terrors that awaited him, outside the walls of this house or Hogwarts. The Prophecy was still haunting him, but he knew that he had to face Voldemort one day. It seemed that Harry could face this reality with a little more ease, knowing that he was doing something good. It was easier to think about it, if he promised himself that he would try his best to defeat the evil wizard that caused the death of his parents and Sirius. And, if worse came to worse, he would die trying, just like Sirius had.

**_There are things worth dying for._**

* * *

Midnight 

Sirius Black would be there in Harry's heart, even if he could no longer writeor speak to Harry again.

He would always be Harry's guiding light.

June, 1996


End file.
